Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Double Wide Edition

I know I missed a week last week, but let's face it. It was kind of a slow news week.

This next story comes to you courtesy of E's The Soup. And we all know that is a viable news source ;) Remember the Octo-Mom? She has a huge "celebrity" crush now. And by "celebrity" I can only mean one person. Jon Gosselin. Just what we need. Those two should just get together and have a milion babies. Oh wait, I think between the two of them they may all ready have a million babies! And I don't know about you, but every time I see someone wearing a Ed Hardy shirt I just want to start hucking rocks at them.

Since it had been two weeks since my last post there have been two number one movies in the box office. First, Where the Wild Things are. And then Paranormal Activity, or as I liked to call it.... The Little Movie that could. "I think I can I think I can I think I can..." Started off in just a small number of theaters that expended to a few 100. Then to a 1000 theaters. And now it's the number one movie in America. It only cost a few $1000s to make and now it's blown up like Kirstie Alley at an all you can eat buffett.

Speaking of movies, today is the official opening of "This is It", the movie all about Michael Jackson. People are saying it's too soon for a movie about him. Here is my personal take on it. If you think it's too soon.... simple solution. Don't see it. Don't pay for it. In two weeks, the movie will be out of the theaters and you won't have to worry about it ever again. Until the DVD ;) And the sequel. Cause let's face it. It's Hollywood. There needs to be a sequel. Maybe we call it "This Really Is It"

It's sweeps time again in the world of television. ABC has remade a classic mini series. That's right. Get ready for the return of V. Starring the greatest action hero of our time. You loved him in Double Dragon. Yes, ladies and Gentlemen.... Scott Wolf! I personally think a better choice would have been Teen Wolf, but that's just me.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Odd Movie Connection Edition

As I had previously stated Hollywood has officially run over ideas, especially as it regards to horror movies. They remade Halloween. They remade The Last House On The Left. They "reimagined" Friday the 13th. So you know damn well what was bound to happen. That's right! A new Nightmare on Elm Street. The worst part is someone else is playing Freddy Kruger which to me just seems wrong on about 47 levels (47 is a good number cause I think that's how many Nightmare movies they have). So I was curious to see who was going to play Kruger. I popped my web browser to IMDB to look it up. The name sounded familar so I clicked on his page. It's kinda scary and not in a horror kind of scary. The person wearing the burned face and the sweater is Jackie Earle Haley. His first major acting role? He was Kelly Leake in the Original Bad News Bears! The kid too old to be on a Little league team that rode a motorcycle is your new Freddy Kruger. No lie. Another odd bit I learned from IMDB is at one point Billy Bob Thorton was considered for the role. And Thornton appeared in the remake of.... THE BAD NEWS BEARS!.

Another odd movie connection I noticed recently.... In Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland the movie features Johnny Depp (really? In a Tim Burton movie) and Crispin Glover who spoofed Depp's performance in Charlie and The Chocalate Factory in the movie Epic Movie. Kinda odd.

What does The Entertainment Guru and Zach Braff have in common? Despite internet stories, we are both still alive!

I think this is the T-shirt of the month. I saw someone wearing a shirt that said "I still live at home". The young man wearing the shirt was close to eight years old. It's good to know that he is still living at home cause I would be worried if he wasn't.

Once again proving Vince Vaughn can do no wrong. Your number one movie of the weekend was Couples Retreat. I think people would come to the theaters to see him read the classic book "There is a Monster at the end of this book". Vince Vaughn as Grover? Awesome!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

The Tastefully Done Naked Edition!

I don't know what is worst. My first news story or my 2nd. Though they are both similar in one way.

Playboy magazine has announced that in it's November edition it will feature someone that you have seen on television for the past twenty years. She has been a devoted mother to three children and a wife to a slob of a man. Her hair stands as tall as Shaq. And is blue as the ocean. That's right, ladies and Gentlemen. Marge Simpson is taking it all off in the pages of Playboy. Of course the editors claim it will be tastful, but that is what they say for every pictorial. Right? What will Bart think? You know Ned will probably move away. Or perhaps he will enjoy it. And something tells me that will even happen in an episode too.

Not to be outdone. Playgirl has announced that Levi Johnson will be taking it off for their magazine too. He is of course the man that slept with Vice President nominee Sarah Palin's daughter and got her pregnant. I seriously think that VH-1 in all their infinite wisdom needs to do a celebrity tool academy. Can I name the first nominees for what should be the best show they have ever put on? Levi. Jon Gosselin. And Spencer Pratt. All famous for who they slept with. And that just screams TOOL! to me.

I hope everyone has a hankerchief or a tissue ready. Because I am going to break ALL YOUR HEARTS. Miley Cyrus has closed her Twitter account. Please empty your bank accounts. Kiss your loved ones good bye. How can the world survive without updates from her about what she is doing with her life... I... I just can't go on.... and suddenly.... ALL BETTER. MOVING ON!

Last week's number one movie? Cloudy with a chances of meatballs? Your streak ended at 2. Which of course at this rate makes you the most successful movie in the history of Entertainment Guru news and Views. All 5 weeks of us. Instead, your number one movie is... ZOMBIELAND. Nothing I like better then watching Woody Harrelson kick some zombie butt. Who knows? Maybe this will allow Woody to make the movie I have been hoping for for almost my entire adult life.... White Men Still Can't Jump. Useless Sequel? Check! Actors that need money to pay IRS? Check (Wesley Snipes). This fits all my requirements!

Until then. Keep on rocking in the free world!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Week Four: The Week of Scandals!

I think the biggest entertainment story of the week is the Makenzie Phillips incest allegations from her book "High on Arrival". She claims that her father slept with her over the course of atleast ten years. It started off while she was high on drugs and changed gradually until she consented to it. I am not here to criticize her for saying it. Do I know if she is telling the truth? No. I don't. All I am saying is that people do crazy shit on drugs. Does it make it right? No. But let's face it. Incest is a part of a society. Am I condoning it? No I am not. Look at it this way. There is a huge movie that everyone has seen atleast a dozen times that features a brother and a sister flirting with each other throughout the course of the movie and then kissing by the end. What? Don't believe me? In fact, it takes place over the course of not just one movie but 3 movies. Searching your inner movie database now, ain't ya? Poor Makenzie. She is taking all this abuse now. I guess she will just have to take it One Day at A Time.

Guess who learned how to move down a space to make the page look even more impressive? That's right. The Entertainment Guru. No more what looks to be long run on paragraphs with fancy colors to show a story has changed topics. Let's celebrate by talking about the other big drama in the world of entertainment.

Film Director Roman Polanski fell for the oldest trick in the book this week. He was "Given" an award and when he showed up, instead the police were there to arrest him for his rape charges back in the 197os. The good news was it wasn't Dateline NBC's Chris Hansen giving him the award. That would have been too much of an obvious hint. Even the girl he slept with, who is now an adult I might add, said that she doesn't think he should have been arrested recently for it. He paid his dues. But I think the funniest quote I heard and I wish I remember who said it... in regards to Polanski said "If he goes to jail, the art world loses. No more quality films". Can anyone remember his last quality film? 2002's The Pianist. The art world aint missing much. I am sorry.

Does anyone think that Bill Clinton now should get a talk show so he can get his revenge and do David Letterman sex jokes? No? Eh. It was worth a shot.

With all this sex talk..... it makes my next story even more a little more akward. For the 2nd week in a row, Cloudy with A Chance of Meatballs is number one at the box office. It's nice to see a little humor and kiddy cartoons in a world of sex!

See you next week. Oh. And by the way... Luke kissed his sister Leia. In Star Wars!