Saturday, October 10, 2009

The Tastefully Done Naked Edition!

I don't know what is worst. My first news story or my 2nd. Though they are both similar in one way.

Playboy magazine has announced that in it's November edition it will feature someone that you have seen on television for the past twenty years. She has been a devoted mother to three children and a wife to a slob of a man. Her hair stands as tall as Shaq. And is blue as the ocean. That's right, ladies and Gentlemen. Marge Simpson is taking it all off in the pages of Playboy. Of course the editors claim it will be tastful, but that is what they say for every pictorial. Right? What will Bart think? You know Ned will probably move away. Or perhaps he will enjoy it. And something tells me that will even happen in an episode too.

Not to be outdone. Playgirl has announced that Levi Johnson will be taking it off for their magazine too. He is of course the man that slept with Vice President nominee Sarah Palin's daughter and got her pregnant. I seriously think that VH-1 in all their infinite wisdom needs to do a celebrity tool academy. Can I name the first nominees for what should be the best show they have ever put on? Levi. Jon Gosselin. And Spencer Pratt. All famous for who they slept with. And that just screams TOOL! to me.

I hope everyone has a hankerchief or a tissue ready. Because I am going to break ALL YOUR HEARTS. Miley Cyrus has closed her Twitter account. Please empty your bank accounts. Kiss your loved ones good bye. How can the world survive without updates from her about what she is doing with her life... I... I just can't go on.... and suddenly.... ALL BETTER. MOVING ON!

Last week's number one movie? Cloudy with a chances of meatballs? Your streak ended at 2. Which of course at this rate makes you the most successful movie in the history of Entertainment Guru news and Views. All 5 weeks of us. Instead, your number one movie is... ZOMBIELAND. Nothing I like better then watching Woody Harrelson kick some zombie butt. Who knows? Maybe this will allow Woody to make the movie I have been hoping for for almost my entire adult life.... White Men Still Can't Jump. Useless Sequel? Check! Actors that need money to pay IRS? Check (Wesley Snipes). This fits all my requirements!

Until then. Keep on rocking in the free world!

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